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19 Things to Know Before Dating Someone with an Outgoing Personality but an Anxious Mind

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Outgoing people with anxious minds – or minds that over-think – tend to feel anxiety the most intensely.

We’ll never talk about it, but the truth is our self-angst is maxed out. Our personalities are confident, bold, calm even. But our minds are anxious and we require a special type of nurturing that you’re not used to, but it’ll definitely be worth it.

1. We probably won’t make the first move. And might ignore you the first time even if you do, but we’re not disinterested.

2. Be patient – we don’t date just to date. Don’t let our outgoing personalities fool you – we can also be mind-numbingly introspective, questioning everything. Our over-thinking and our apprehension to immediately trust someone is, in fact, what makes us very selective about who we surround ourselves with.

3. We need to dip our foot in the pool first. We tend not to outwardly express our feelings and spill our struggles in the first few months of hanging out. Or ever. No matter how intensely we feel our anxiety, we’ll never really talk about it.

4. So don’t expect long, open talks about our innermost feelings right away. We can’t help it, no matter how much we care, and we care a lot, we feel like we might express too much and need to take it back. That’s where sassy comments and distance will come in, but don’t be swayed. You’ve got to dig and notice the vulnerability and sweetness we might be trying to hide.

5. The best thing you can do when you feel distance coming on is to let us know that even though we’re so strong, it’s ok to let ourselves be weak, sometimes, and fall into someone else’s arms without fear of being vulnerable.

6. There is no such thing as loving us too hard. Sometimes, we’ll think that you’ll have lost interest. Sometimes we’ll become sure you have. Or, at least, that’s what anxiety says. Don’t let our fierce, outgoing personalities fool you – our over-thinking and mind-numbing introspection is a constant factor in our lives. Deep down we know you care, but it never hurts to just say it that one extra time.

7. We will never intentionally hurt you because we know too well what it means to get hurt.We never want you to feel what we do, so we’ll always be super protective of your heart. We even care about people who hurt us.

8. We apologize for the times when we’re glued to our phones. We use it as a distracting device if we think we’re getting too close, or if we’re fighting and we can’t handle the vulnerability.

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9. We will have one (maybe two) best friends who are our entire world, if we’re not using our phone as a distracting device, we’re most definitely texting them. They’re the only ones who can really understand our complicated and dysfunctional antics.

10. We are the epitome of a conundrum. We ebb and flow between wanting to be surrounded by many people, reveling in the attention we receive, to being very selective and sort of wanting to isolate ourselves.

11. Sometimes, we need that space to recharge and be left alone with our thoughts. But most of the time, we’ll actually worship you if you get us out of our head and make us live in the moment. We need that.

12. Some social gatherings can easily overwhelm us. People are both the source of our comfort and anxiety. That’s why we always smile when someone says they’re “so complicated.” They have no idea.

13. Pay attention to when we get quiet and distant, this might mean we’re feeling really anxious and need your comforting. Sometimes you might have to be careful with our drink count when we go out in a social situation; sensitive and sassy might happen due to all those pent up emotions.

14. Our hangovers are the worst. Us at the party = the life of it. Us when we wake up in the morning = over-thinking everything. All you have to do is cuddle us and tell us it’s okay to let ourselves be vulnerable.

15. We’re hard on you because we’re so used to being the hardest on ourselves. We are always gripped by the feeling that there’s more that we should be, or could be, doing in our life. This is when hugs and support are most needed – let us know that everything will work out for the best.

16. Although we are very bold and outgoing, sometimes even the smallest things can stress us out and override our nerves. We tend to be overwhelmed very easily, so anything you do to make our life easier is greatly appreciated. Even the smallest gestures make us melt.

17. Whether it’s picking up our dry cleaning, making a call for us, picking us up for a date, playing with our hair when we’re watching a movie, calling to see how we’re feeling or making us a cup of tea comes with the highest of thanks. You have no idea how much you’re helping us and we will never take your gestures for granted.

18. We’re not insecure control freaks, we just think. A lot. You can save us a lot of over-thinking and worrying if you just call us back right away when you’re out or at least send us a quick text.

19. We’re like crystal, but we think that we’re a bull, only to face tears at the most unexpected of times. We’re still extremely bold and outgoing – we just have the most soft, sensitive centers, too.

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